Teachers in Transition - Episode 189 - Ask vs Guess Culture & Defining your Network

In this episode, Vanessa dives into the fascinating topic of Ask vs. Guess cultures, exploring how these cultural differences affect communication and decision-making. From personal anecdotes to corporate settings and even job hunting, we uncover the challenges you might face when navigating these cultural norms.  She discusses the importance of understanding one's network and leveraging connections, especially in the job market, where networking plays a crucial role. Join us as Teachers in Transition discusses strategies for effectively utilizing your network to advance your career prospects and share personal insights into the power of connections.
 
 The Power of No, Episode 184

Consider a Personal Uniform from episode 188

Six Degrees of Separation Article

Six Degrees of Separation Paper

Find more links of your favorite actor to Kevin Bacon at The Oracle of Bacon

Link to my free Resume Workshop sign up form.  Remember, there is limited space available and the first to sign up will get a link to join the workshop.  This workshop is *absolutely free* and there is no obligation to buy anything or sign up for anything. If you are finding this episode AFTER the workshop, please send me an email and we’ll see how I can help.

And remember to send your comments, stories, and random thoughts to me at TeachersinTransitionCoaching@gmail.com!  I look forward to reading them.

The transcript of this podcast can be found on the at Buzzsprout. 

Transcript

Are you a teacher who is feeling stressed out and overwhelmed? do you worry that you're feeling symptoms of burnout - or are you sure you've already gotten there? Have you started to dream of doing something different or a new job or perhaps pursuing an entirely different career - but you don't know what else you're qualified to do? You don't know how to start a job search and you just feel stuck. if that sounds like you, I promise you are not alone. my name is Vanessa Jackson; and I am a career transition and job search coach and I specialize in helping burnt out teachers just like you deal with the overwhelmingly stressful nature of your day-to-day job and to consider what other careers might be out there waiting for you. You might ask yourself, What tools do I need to find a new career?  Are my skills valuable outside the classroom?  How and where do I even get started?  These are all questions you deserve answers to, and I can help you find them.  I’m Vanessa Jackson. Come and join me for Teachers in Transition.  

***Hi!  And Welcome back to another episode of Teachers in Transition. I am your host, Vanessa Jackson – and I am here to help you reach your goals in starting to take steps to leave education and give you that extra assistance in reaching your goals. Today we are going to talk about Ask vs Guess Culture, a teacher hack to protect your sanity in the mornings, and our job hunting tip will be about Ghost listings and the Importance of  Networking 

In our first segment about stress management and health today, we are going to talk about Ask vs Guess Culture. If you haven’t heard about this, I promise you’ve experienced it.  

I had a colleague who was recently very frustrated because he was Asked if he was going to be in attendance at an event outside his usual work schedule, and his comment was that maybe he would be at that event. So fast forward a few weeks and he gets a call from the person in charge who says “So, you'll be there to host the event, right?” And my colleague was stunned but felt trapped.  He cancelled his other plans and begrudgingly hosted the event.  My colleague didn't know how to say no. He wanted the other person to assume that his maybe was really a no and he ended up having to cancel money-making things to host an event that he was not really prepared to host nor was he paid to do so.

There were a lot of hurt feelings on his side of the table and this could be easily categorized as an Ask versus Guess infraction

This tends to be learned in families and sometimes an important piece of cultural identity.  In an Ask culture you just Ask for what you want. You might get a yes, or you might get a no. Either way, you get an answer, and you're not afraid to Ask, whereas in a Guess culture you don't want to Ask questions unless you're pretty sure the answer is already going to be a yes. So instead of Asking direct questions, you'll float comments out like wow, I sure am hungry, hoping that somebody will offer dinner plans. Or wouldn't it be lovely if.

And you're hoping that somebody else will pick up that cue and run with it. When you have an Ask person working with a Guess person - that can cause a lot of miscommunication, frustration and friction.

Guess people are not comfortable saying “no.” Some of this is learned through families, sometimes it is learned through cultures, and sometimes it is both.  The way that they were brought up, it is rude to say no. So, if they're Asking, they must really need that help. Whereas in an Ask culture.  They don't stop to think that maybe the Guesser thinks that they're rude, or that they as the Asker are coming across as blunt and direct to someone who's not prepared for it.

The Asker just assumes someone would say no if they didn’t want to do something.

You also see this phenomenon in anthropology circles. They talk about high-context culture and low-context culture, and basically it refers to how explicit messages are and how much of the communication comes from facial expressions, or gestures, or even tone of voice. In a high-context culture, you rely a lot more on context. Where does it sit in context? What is the history? What is the background? What is that face they are making?.  In a low-context culture, communication tends to be more direct and to the point. 

We can see this in corporate settings as well. As an example, when you have people working in sciences or some areas of engineering where there is less room for interpretation that tends to be a lower-context culture. The models have fewer variables, and there may be less background. On the other hand, higher-context areas like history, politics, and literature are seen as a living system – things change and there are more variables.  And because there are more variables you have to include more context. You see this in companies where there is more connection or a more collective way of thinking. Guess which context an education system falls into?  Here’s a hint – rhymes with schmigh schomtext.  And without the context, you end up with people, employees or colleagues who are increasingly anxious, withdrawn, and frustrated. If you happen to be in a position of leadership – it is helpful to provide more context and stop making people guess what’s going on. 

But really, it isn't as black and white as saying High-context versus low-context or Ask versus Guess. It exists along a spectrum.

The United States is perceived by other countries to have more of a low-context culture. Many other countries find us to be very blunt, and that can be a bit shocking to them.

but even that can vary within the U.S. quite a bit. In some of the more stoic Western states, you might just get a stare and be expected to interpret an entire conversation from that, whereas in some of our Eastern states they'll straight up tell you what they were getting at and what they wanted. Regardless of where they fall on that spectrum in the United States, we are seen as very blunt when compared to many other cultures. Latin and Asian cultures tend to be high-context.

Here's an example of how being an Ask person versus being a Guess person can cause issues.

We see all the time in our school settings where people come to us and ask: Can you do such and such? Can you cover a class? Can you cover a duty station? Can you sponsor a club? Can you get this Really Involved Thing done by the end of the day? People from an Ask family and Ask culture are going to say honestly whether they can or they cannot.  People from a Guess culture are going to have a very hard time saying no because they are going to feel obligated to say yes because in their frame of reference, there wouldn't have been an actual Ask unless the answer had to be a yes.  And as the Guess folks get more and more of the extra duties, they get more and more resentful of the people asking, AND of the people who have the boundaries to say No. I did a podcast on The Power of No a few weeks back, and I’ll put a link to that in the show notes. It was episode 184. 

And purely opinion here, but I feel like a lot of school cultures cultivate that Guess mentality. You are supposed to guess what the current temperature is in the school climate.  This creates an environment of fear because folks are afraid to say ‘No.’  You don't necessarily want to Ask for something for a classroom unless you're pretty sure you're going to get that yes because there is the worry that racking up a bunch of no’s is going to lower your political capital, so to speak, in the hierarchy.

I'll never forget this lesson from my first teaching job which was mostly spent as a substitute that first year. I had to write my very first office referral ever, and I was just indignant that these children would act this this way and my office referral reflected that. Later, the assistant principal comes in laughing and says, “I’m going to teach you how to write a referral.”  And he sat there, and he showed me how to take the feelings out of it and just report the facts to write an effective referral.

In the course of giving me this instruction, he mentioned that he was taking the time to work with me because he knew that it must have been a serious offense because I had not written any other office referrals yet. And because I tended to have fewer discipline issues, he would take them more seriously.

As opposed, he told me, to other teachers who write lots of office referrals, sometimes multiple unrelated office referrals every day. He told me he did not give those a whole lot of credence.

And that inadvertently taught me a lesson very early in my career that lasted throughout all of it. The more I complained, the less I would be heard.  That fosters a Guess culture.  Now, before a teacher writes a referral, he or she has to guess whether it will be taken seriously or not. So on TOP of the adrenaline rush of dealing with something serious enough to require the additional paperwork, they have to divine whether anything will be done about it or not.  Because we ALL know that if we send in referrals that are virtually ignored, the kids assume we have less authority than we did prior to the event. 

What that inadvertent lesson in my first teaching job taught me was the more office referrals I might write, the less seriously they would be taken, and that may be true on your campus today. That may not be true on your campus. In all fairness, the assistant principal in question was a Green Beret who served in Vietnam, so he just didn't have a whole lot of tolerance for nonsense.  And I’ll add that I have learned when a child collects enough of these referrals to go to the district level or (or higher), those are often kicked back which makes the principal seem like they have no authority. That continues to trickle down and is just another reason teachers feel alone and unsupported. Personally, I always resented the notion that my referral was my first level of classroom management.  It was absolutely my last and if I go to that point with a student, I can assure you, they earned it.  And I find that to be true for almost all teachers. 

As they say, your mileage may vary.  It will definitely be different from campus to campus.

I grew up surrounded by Guess culture. I became skilled at reading facial cues body postures, tone of voice, and things like that; and it has always been very difficult for me to say no and draw boundaries. This is a skill that I have worked on quite a bit as an adult.

And because it is hard for me to say no, I often assume that it is hard for others to say no, and for so many people from a Guess background, it is hard to say no. I happened to overhear a conversation once where a committee chair was asking someone if they could take on a particular task, and she ended her request with “and remember, No is an answer.”

And I just thought that was the most brilliant thing and the most freeing thing. As someone very deeply steeped in Guess culture, I have started adding that statement to a lot of my requests to let the other person, just in case they're a guess person, to let the other person know that it is OK to say no if necessary.

Our next segment is our teacher hack, which is designed to help you save time and brain space so that you can spend it on you getting ready for that job hunt.  Whether you're up skilling for a new career or applying to jobs, today's hack is really just designed to help keep your morning from careening over the edge into disaster.

We have all had those mornings where everyone is dressed, everyone is ready to go. Maybe it's just you, maybe it's you and the kids, but at the last minute something goes horribly wrong.

A kid spills food all over themselves.

Or, the dog bumps you and you spill something on yourself.  Or maybe you spilled something and ruined a shirt without any help from any other living being – that happens to me more than I like to admit to! Now you have to stop and lose precious morning minutes to deal with that issue and grab a whole another outfit.  (Side note:  This is another reason why a capsule wardrobe or a personal uniform is a great thing!  We talked about that in episode 188.

I always feel like those moments just put the whole day on the wrong path and they seemed to make everything else harder throughout the day. So this is a very simple hack and it is simply to wear a bathrobe over your clothes until you are ready to walk out the door.  I don’t know why I never thought of that before – this works great for me. Maybe not so much for people or kids who don't wear bathrobes. As I was thinking about that, I think I have a solution. Those old T-shirts that you're not quite sure what to do with? You can cut off the sleeves and cut down the sides, then just pull it over the top and you’re not as likely to get dribble on yourself or a kid is not as likely to get dribble all over themselves.  they eat breakfast.

I hope this hack is helpful for you. Have you tried this?  Do you wear your bathrobe on over your clothes before you leave? Send me an email and let me know! If you have other good hacks that you have as well,  I would love to hear them. I am all about learning better ways to do all the things.

In our segment on job hunting today, we are going to start by talking a little bit about Ghost listings ESPECIALLY in this early 2024 market. 

Sites like Indeed and LinkedIn have made it ridiculously easy to apply for a job. You just click a button.  Apply!  Apply!  Apply!  I just saw a quick video this morning talking about a hiring manager saying he used to get 80 to 90 hits on a job posting in the first 24 hours. That was just a few years ago. Now, he will get 400 in that same 24-hour span.

And then on top of this, you have a lot of companies who post jobs who aren't really looking to hire. They are testing the waters to see how many people might be interested, some of the more toxic places may use it as an example of. “You need to do what we're telling you to do because look, we have 100 people waiting to take your job tomorrow. For less than what you're making now.”

Possibly less prevalent now than it used to be during the pandemic, but it was true that several of those jobs were just there so the company could say that they were looking for employees and then complain that what they were looking and couldn’t find the perfect employee.  In any case, they didn’t really want to hire.  Some companies have been caught looking for five years of experience in an IT skill that hasn't existed for five years.  Part of the problem might also be that as easy as it is for people to just click ‘apply’, it is almost just as easy for a company to place a job listing that reaches thousands, possibly hundreds of thousands of potential applicants at little or no cost to them.  It is very different from the days when they had to pay to post ads in a newspaper.  

One of the first things that you should do if you find a job that you are interested in is look up the company and in looking up the company you go to their home web page and you find the spot where jobs or careers are and you click that. Then you look up the job to see if it's there or not.  If the job doesn't exist on their site, they're not really looking or they’ve already hired.  If you apply on LinkedIn or Indeed when they are only collecting resumes  you never hear back from them.  You’ve been ghosted.

And that’s frustrating, but this was just a bit of a lead in to the fact that I really want to talk about networking. Think about the hiring manager getting over 400 applications in 24 hours.  He doesn’t want to look at every single one of those.  Even if they have the skills on paper, there is no guarantee that the applicant will fit in the corporate culture.  And it’s EXPENSIVE to hire, onboard and bring someone up to speed.  This is why over 80% of jobs are filled because somebody knew somebody. Those referrals speak volumes. 

That's a scary thought. If you are a teacher and you're wanting to go out into corporate America, you think to yourself, “I don't know anybody. How am I supposed to find someone to help me get a job? How do I network?” And when I was first looking, I was reading all about networking and it would tell you you should look up a company, find people who work in the company in LinkedIn and you should send them messages.  Then you should ask to talk to them for informational interviews.  Maybe offer them a coffee in exchange for ten minutes of time. Nobody really has that time to give you anymore. Nobody's going to answer those messages.  OK, maybe rarely they will answer them.  Honestly, LinkedIn is a little too big to be useful in that way anymore and too many people are looking for work. 
 
 The TLDR here is that you know a lot more people than you think. Your network is everyone you know, and everyone they know.

That's a lot of people.

If you're familiar with the game, Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon based on the movie Six Degrees of Separation in this game, you try to link any actor to Kevin Bacon in less than six steps.  Sometimes it's easy, and sometimes it's hard.

As an example, let's tie together Robin Wright of “Princess Bride” fame to Kevin Bacon.  It can be done in two steps. Robin Wright was in The Princess Bride with Wallace Shawn, (INCONCEIVABLE!!) And Wallace Shawn was in “Starting Over” with – ta-da! Kevin Bacon. Along those lines, it was hypothesized through the movie Six Degrees of Separation that you can connect anyone to anyone else in six steps or less, and research has found that that is more true than not true.

A paper published in 2023 researched social networks and found that the Six Degrees held pretty true. Fascinatingly enough, it was done by researchers in six different countries. But what the takeaway from here is, is that you know a lot more people than you think that you do.

When I reflect back on my own jobs that I have gotten throughout my entire life, very few of them were done without prior connection, and those jobs were the mall jobs back in the 1980s. My very first teaching job was because I knew somebody – I grew up in that town.  I knew a LOT of somebodies.  My next teaching job came about because I had reached out and asked a friend if he needed classroom help 

He said well, no, I don't need that - but we're hiring teachers, and I think you should apply.  He then gave my name to the appropriate director who called to see if I was interested in a meet-&-greet, and that is what led to me getting that job. And when I moved to the next town (remember, we were a military family…) my connections with somebody else is led to a situation where I could be considered at all because we were right in the middle of that fallout from that 2008 recession.  That district ended up creating a position for me so no other district would hire me away . 

The first time we were sent out of state, I was on my own. I did get that job without connections. 

When my husband retired from the military, and we came back to Texas. what ultimately ensured that I got the interview was the fact that I had been in college band with the Deputy Superintendent. 

And, upon leaving teaching, what opened the door to my first corporate job outside of teaching was a connection that I'd known since elementary school, and this a completely different field from teaching.  You know, side note, maybe the anti-bullying campaigns need to include these sorts of lessons.  Be nice because it might matter in the future. That’s networking.
 
 I did the math (because I LOVE to do the math) and the percentage of jobs that I got because I knew someone was 86%.  

Let your network know that you're looking and what you can do.

A quick reminder that I am hosting a resume workshop on Saturday, February 17, 2024 at 4:00 PM, Central time, Join me as I go through ways to make a top-notch resume to increase the odds of landing those job interviews.  We’ll learn how to create the Everything Resume, how to get your resume past the ATS, the importance of customization, and how to edit your resume so errors do not stop you before you can really get started. 

I am recently returned from the JOBSCAN Standout Summit, 2024, and I will be incorporating hose things into our workshop, so if you register for the workshop, you will get those pieces of information before they even get to the podcast. There is no fee for this workshop. There is a Google Form that I have linked in the show notes that you can use to sign up.  
 

If you are listening to this AFTER I did the workshop, no worries!  Please send me an email to set up a complimentary discovery call.  My email is at the end of the podcast and also in the show notes. 

 I  want to encourage you to join our Facebook group! The Teachers in Transition Podcast Club is a place for teachers who are burnt out and overwhelmed and possibly or definitely looking to leave teaching  - share tips, get ideas, and find support. Talk with teachers who have left teaching. Just search for Teachers in Transition Podcast Club and answer the quick questions so we know you aren’t a bot. 

 If you are stuck in your job search, or are having trouble getting started, please feel free to reach out to me to schedule a complimentary discovery call to see how I can help you pivot careers and find the job of your dreams. 

That’s the podcast for today! If you liked this podcast, tell a friend, and don’t forget to rate and review wherever you listen to your podcasts. Tune in weekly to Teachers in Transition where we discuss Job Search strategies as well as stress management techniques.  And I want to hear from you!  Please reach out and leave me a message at Teacher in transition coaching at gmail dot com.  You can also leave a voicemail or text at 512-640-9099. 

I’ll see you here again next week and remember – YOU are amazing!