Gaslit by Admin: When You Get Blamed for What’s Not Your Fault

In this episode of Teachers in Transition, Vanessa Jackson celebrates cracking the Top 250 in Apple Podcasts Career category 🎉 — and dives into a jam-packed episode covering toxic leadership, classroom chaos, Halloween hacks, and how to discover your personal brand that can actually open doors.

🚩 Red Flag Radar kicks off with a jaw-dropping Reddit story featuring a gaslighting principal, zero mentorship, and why some teachers are sprinting for the exits — for good reason.

🎃 Teacher Hack of the Week: Want to curb the Halloween candy hangover? Vanessa shares a trick-or-treat tip that helps your classroom and your waistline.

💼 Career Transition Strategy: Learn how to build a personal brand that reflects who you really are — and why a wedding PR disaster is a cautionary tale for every job seeker.

This episode is for any educator who’s ever felt set up to fail and wondered, “Is it me?” (Spoiler: It’s not.)
📥 Ready for your next step? Free career tools await at TeachersinTransition.com

✨ Like what you heard?
Help other teachers find this podcast by sharing, rating, and reviewing it on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Every star and share helps light the path for someone else.

👋Connect with and Follow Vanessa
📧 Email: Vanessa@teachersintransition.com
📞 Text or Leave a Voicemail: 512-640-9099
📅 Book a Free Discovery Session: teachersintransition.com/calendar
💼 LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/vanessajackson78132
📷 Instagram & Threads: @teachers.in.transition
📘 Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=61565671792885
🌤️ Bluesky: @beyondteaching.bsky.social
    X (Twitter): @EduExitStrategy

The transcript to this podcast is found on the episode’s homepage at Buzzsprout

Transcript

Hi!  And Welcome back to another episode of Teachers in Transition. I am your host, Vanessa Jackson – I’m a career transition and job search coach specializing in teachers who are burned out, stressed out, and just not sure how to leave the classroom.  I am here to help you reach your goals and figure out how to navigate this career transition journey to the life you dream of - with margins in your life to spend with your family, your pets, and whatever else you want to. Today on the pod we are going to hear about a real-life toxic situation, a hack to make trick-or-treating less tricky for you. And we’re deep diving  into personal branding.  And we are debuting a new segment this week:  Red Flag Radar where we see real life examples of bad leadership making the teacher shortage worse.  

But first! Guess what popped up this week?
 Teachers in Transition cracked the Apple’s Top 250 Podcasts in the Career section! 

Now, whether that’s a happy fluke or the start of a trend, I’m choosing to celebrate it for what it really is — a sign that teachers are showing up for themselves.

Every download, every listen, every “hey, I shared this with a friend who needed it” means the world to me.

If this podcast ever helps you feel a little less alone, a little more hopeful, or a little more ready to rewrite your story — thank you for being part of this movement.

And if you know a teacher who’s struggling, wondering what’s next, or just needs to hear that it’s okay to want more —
👉 Send them an episode.
Because I truly believe every teacher needs this conversation.

Next Up:  Red Flag Radar: 
 I decided to work in a new segment using tales of Reddit because these are real world scenarios.  Chances are you’ve found yourself in variations of these same situations. 

Today’s story comes from user Grand_Idea_7054, who writes:

“I was hired the day school started — new grade level, new district — and the expectations are extremely difficult. I can’t keep up despite working 10 hours a day. I feel like I’m constantly behind. And I had the audacity to be sick. While I was out, the sub hit a kid. I had to report it, and… this is a direct quote… ‘ the principal acted like it was my fault because I didn’t give her detailed enough sub plans, and my kids were out of control.’

My mom already got me another job through a family friend. It pays the same as teaching. My contract requires a 30-day notice, but that’s a long time to keep a new job waiting. I’d probably only give two weeks, but even then, what’s the point? I go to work every day nauseous because I don’t feel like I can handle it. Would it be the worst thing ever to just resign via email, effective immediately?

Update: I’m now being targeted by my principal, who keeps coming in to observe me. During one of the lessons, one of my kids was having a meltdown, and she told me my lesson was unacceptable — that I’m not preparing enough. I’m sending my resignation letter and resigning immediately.”

And now… I’m just going to weigh in.

The principal acted like it was her fault because she didn’t give “detailed enough” sub plans and the kids were out of control?

Excuse me — that is gaslighting.

There is no way that Grand_Idea_7054 is responsible, in any way, shape, or form, for an adult in her room hitting a child when she wasn’t even there.

Not. Her. Fault.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever left very detailed sub plans only to have the sub say, “I couldn’t find your sub plans, so I just… let them do whatever.”

Or worse — they ransack your room and eat all the snacks out of your  classroom pantry. That used to drive me bonkers to find my personal stuff given away or broken things.

In my last year or so of teaching, I would literally write into my sub plans:

“Hey, just… don’t let them break anything. Don’t let anyone get hurt. And we’ll call it a good day.”

The school described in that post? Extremely toxic environment.

This teacher — Grand_Idea_7054 — started behind. Hired on the first day of school, in a new grade level, in a new district.

I guarantee you nobody went in to help prep that classroom or make it easy for someone to start at the last minute.

If you’ve ever been hired mid-year or even in the first week of school, you know exactly what that feels like. It’s like the race started without you and you’re sprinting just to catch up.

If the kids were out of control, that’s not just a teacher issue — that’s a leadership failure.

Because nobody was there when that sub called for help.  No one was there to help that teacher catch up.  

New grade level.
 New district.
 No mention of mentoring.
 No support.

I had a mentor my first year of teaching, but that was only because I was a paid intern — and part of what I was paying for was the mentor.

As a military spouse who taught in six different school districts over my career, I never had another mentor again.

I had wonderful teacher-humans who checked in on me, helped me learn the culture, showed me the ropes — but no official mentor who was paid money from the district.

In fact, in my last teaching job, when they were assigning mentors to other teachers — including those who weren’t even brand-new, just new to the district — I was told they had run out of mentors and money. ( In retrospect, that should have a been a red flag clue for me.  Hmmmm.)

And since I was such a “veteran teacher,” I “didn’t need that support.”    Ummmm… yes I did.

But here’s the cold, hard fact: if you are new to the district or new to the school, you need at least a cultural mentor.

And they need to be paid.

Yes, a lot of teachers do this out of the goodness of their hearts. I did. I mentored several colleagues that way because I couldn’t stand to see people flounder. It’s just so easy to help.

And we all know that $500 doesn’t cover the work that goes into mentoring another teacher. But at least it’s something — maybe a couple weeks’ worth of groceries, a few tanks of gas, or half a light bill in this economy.

So, it’s really important to recognize the red flags here.

Grand_Idea_7054 wasn’t wrong.
 Grand_Idea_7054 was set up for failure.

Let’s name the red flags: 
 1. Bad Leadership
 2. Lack of Vertical Support (from those above in the hierarchy like a department head)
 3. Lack of horizontal support (like mentoring, whether it’s official or otherwise)

Even if, for argument’s sake, we peeled back the layers and discovered this teacher was struggling with lesson planning or classroom management — it’s October.

That means there’s been plenty of time for leadership to notice and offer help. And clearly, that didn’t happen.

The blame here lies squarely with the principal at this school.

And if I had to bet, I’d say there’s at least a 20% turnover rate at that campus — and it’s the principal’s fault.  And it’s expensive for a district.  Bad leadership is expensive and a waste of taxpayer money. 
 
If I’d been working with GrandIdea7054, I would have also advised them to leave knowing that there was a job waiting for them. Mom had found a job.  This is a hard economy, and there’s no guarantee that a different job would be available in May. 
 
If a job wasn’t waiting, I’d advise to hunker down and start the transition while still accepting the school paycheck. That gives you several months between October and May to set things in place. There’s a glorious freeing effect when know you’re going to leave anyway, recognizing the Sisyphean nature of teaching and instead of using all your energy pushing a rock up a hill that always rolls back down – you spend it on yourself! 
 
Bad leadership relies on your need to make them happy – there’s an alarming similarity with abusive spouses. And so many teachers worry about that because of all the creative ways bad leadership can punish them for stepping out of line.  It’s amazing how that power disappears when you know there’s an endpoint.   The biggest Red Flag on the Radar was the bad leadership.

If you have a story to tell for your Red Flag Radar – I can share that anonymously.  Or if you have a link to a Reddit story that really resonated with you and you want to hear my take on it, just send it to me at Vanessa@teachersintransition.com         

And moving on to a quick teacher hack – our hacks are designed to help you clear some space in your brain or your life so that you can use that energy in other ways (maybe even to help with your career transition!)
 
 Todays’ hack is:  Consider something that isn’t Candy for Halloween. I can’t remember where I saw this, but I immediately felt all kinds of unaware for not thinking of it sooner.  Maybe it’s the GenXer in me that always so excited about the good candy in the pumpkin when I went outTrick-or-Treating. 
 
 And this is different from the Teal Pumpkin project which gives out non-food items to help with kids who deal with severe allergies.  I totally support that sort of thing too. 
 The hack here is to give out little snacks like packages of goldfish, cheezits or some other item that would also be useful in your classroom for your classroom snack pantry.  
 If your trick-or-treater numbers are down (I hear they are in many places because of Trunk-or-Treats, but Halloween is a Friday this year, so all bets are off…) anything left over can then go to your school pantry and not tempt you.  Stress eating was my biggest self-medication plan for Teacher Anxiety and once I started in on those leftover Halloween treats, it felt like it didn’t stop until January!  That’s not healthy, and it doesn’t really help. 
 
 Another bonus is the knowledge that you aren’t giving sugar to the kids to ruin another teacher’s day in early November!  So many wins with this hack!

In our Career Transition and Job Search segment today, we’re going to talk about the importance of personal branding.

And I’m going to illustrate this with a story that’s been making the rounds on the internet over the last week or so. It involves—well, I’m going to leave the individual names out—but it involves a wedding venue.

The bride and groom had paid $18,000 in deposits to this venue. That wasn’t even the full amount they owed; that was just their down payment and whatever else they’d paid. This included catering and a lot of “done-for-you” kinds of services you’d expect at a really posh wedding venue—so you could feel like you were having your perfect day.

(Sidebar: My daughter had a potluck reception in her boss’s backyard after a very private wedding. All of her friends had so much fun with that—very inexpensive—and they saved all their money for the honeymoon. To me, that seems the way to go… but I digress.)

Anyway—so a horrible thing happens. The groom dies in May. The wedding was supposed to be in late September or early October. Understandably, the family is trying to settle things out and get everything canceled potentially refunded.

Well, the contract said there were no refunds. And one of those nasty little secrets about contract law is that, yes—in fact—the contract will outlive you.

I made a Facebook post about this, and in it, I likened it to the pest control contract my mom set up shortly before she died. We had to pay out that contract. In fact, one of the first things they said after, “We’re sorry for your loss,” was, “Oh, by the way, you’re still responsible for the remainder of this contract.” They did say it more nicely though.

So just be aware of that.

And yes—it was within this wedding venue’s legal right to stick to their contract. But that’s where this starts to get interesting.

Because just because something is your legal right, doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do.

I’ll inject a personal story here.

I had a lot of trouble having my kids. I miscarried regularly, and it was devastating each and every time.

The first baby I miscarried—we were past the first trimester, when we “should have been safe.” I had already signed up for the childbirth classes I wanted. There weren’t many of the kind that I wanted at the time, and there was a particular midwife I wanted to work with, so I signed up early. The contract said no refunds.

After I lost the baby, I called to cancel my spot—because there were only eight spots every three to four months, so I knew they were precious. I wasn’t even going to ask for a refund because, well, the contract said no refunds.

I tearfully told her I wouldn’t need my spot in the class—and why.

She was so compassionate. The first thing she said was, “I’m going to refund that to you.”

I was confused and said, “You didn’t say you gave refunds.”

She replied, “Well, this is different.”

That’s stayed with me all these decades.

We have a family member who runs a wedding photography business, and she also exercises discretion. Because it’s her business, she can choose to refund something that was technically nonrefundable.

I argue that the way we do things matters.

If you were to work with me one-on-one, I have a 30-day money-back guarantee. If we start working together and it’s not a fit— if it’s not the vibe you thought it would be—I refund all the money, no questions asked. Because that’s the right thing to do. And we stay friends on LinkedIn.

Now, back to this wedding situation.

They reached out to a PR firm because the backlash has been s-t-r-o-n-g. It’s costing them hundreds of thousands of dollars in lost revenue.

Think about it: if the average wedding there costs over $20,000, (and it seems that is the case) and even just five couples decided not to book, that’s a loss of over $100,000 of potential income. If 50 couples decide not ot book, that’s a loss of over 1 million dollars in potential income.  Just… gone.

And get this—the PR firm they contacted told them, “You should have just refunded the money,” and then refused to take them as a client.

That’s when you know a brand is now trash.

The people who were already booked probably aren’t so proud of it anymore. And new brides and grooms? Are likely steering clear.

In case you’re wondering what the business told the grieving parents, they said:
 “That’s why it’s so important to have event insurance in case these things happen.”

I’m sorry—are you the business owner? Because that’s why you should have an escrow account.

It’s been suggested—and I don’t know whether this is factual or not—that the reason they couldn’t issue the refund is because they’d already spent the money. They were using future bookings to pay for current events.

And that is not a good way to run a business.

I’ve also somehow ended up on WeddingTok (don’t ask me how), and I’ve seen several videos from people whose wedding venues declared bankruptcy and closed up shop. If that’s how they were managing things the same way, I have no doubt how they ended up there.

So, this might be a new kind of cautionary tale.

If you’re a young teacher—or the parent of someone getting married—maybe think about that backyard potluck idea again. There were wedding cupcakes, everyone brought their favorite dish and a recipe card to start the young couple’s kitchen, and it was just the nicest day.

But this—this—is the importance of personal branding. I’m getting there. 

I don’t recommend that pest control company my mom used to use.

And when I found out I was pregnant with my next baby, guess who I called immediately because I wanted to work with her again? Yep—that same midwife.

And no, I don’t know many people in that area who’ll be getting married at that venue—and I still can’t recommend it, because that’s not how I would treat anyone.

Your brand is the intersection of how you see yourself and how everyone else sees you.

What I’ve detailed here is how that business is now perceived by the rest of the world. Their brand is ruined.

If I were conducting business strategy for them, I would tell them the best thing they could do is close up shop and open under a new name. Because that brand isn’t going to survive.

And just from the vague details I’ve given, you can probably figure out exactly which venue this was—if you haven’t already heard about it.

As teachers, we generally feel very deeply about restorative justice. We teach it. We mediate it among kids every day—about being kind, about doing the right thing.

So that’s always an important thing to consider.

One way you can start determining your own personal brand is simple:
 Ask your social network— your family, your friends, or coworkers—“How would you describe me to someone who doesn’t know me?”

If they get stuck, ask for three to five words or phrases.

That’ll give you an idea of your personal brand—the flavor of you.

And it’s okay to let that little flavor of you shine through in your résumé—maybe in a personal branding statement or in your summary section.

Bonus tip: Don’t write an “Objective.” Nobody does that anymore. Everyone’s objective is the same—to get a job.

But your personal brand can help you stand out among a sea of very vanilla résumés—like sprinkles on top!

If today’s podcast hit a little close to home, please let me know more.
Sometimes these Red Flag Radar moments remind us just how much we’ve been asked to tolerate — and how much we actually deserve better, and sometimes we learn that we’re more valuable than we thought we were through the personal branding exercise.

You can connect with me through a variety of methods that I’ll share shortly. 

And if you’re ready to start exploring what life beyond the classroom could look like, you’ll find free resources, workshops, and next-step guidance waiting for you on the website.

Because you don’t have to figure it all out alone.
 I’m Vanessa Jackson, and this has been Teachers in Transition.
Until next time — keep your radar up, your boundaries firm, and remember: you are worthy of work that lights you up.
 
Here's how you can connect: 

Email me at Vanessa@teachersintransition.com
Leave a voicemail or text at 512-640-9099
Schedule a free Discovery Session with me: https://teachersintransition.com/calendar
Follow me on Bluesky @beyondteaching.bsky.social
Find me on Threads and Instagram  AND TikTok @teachers.in.transition
And even on X at @EduExitStrategy
Follow on Facebook: just search for Teachers in Transition and look for our blue phoenix.
Or? Join the Teachers in Transition Podcast Club on Facebook
 
If you weren’t able to write all that down that fast, you can scoot on over to Buzzsprout to the Teachers in Transition page.  You can find the episodes, and all of this is in the show notes.

I look forward to connecting with you!